That as you’re falling so hard, fast towards the unknown,

Is to not lose yourself.

Don’t lose the way you laugh, the things you love, your favorite songs. Don’t forget the person standing behind the mirror.

Look for them before you fall.

but it can be so easily defined.

It is defined by those dark moments I spend, alone under the street light with you. Happiness is that feeling I get when I kiss you that makes me smile while we do so.

Happiness is laying in my bed, tired and content, thinking about you how you make me feel so positively and unbelievably alive.

Tonight nothing else matters. Tonight I have nothing else to give.

Tonight I want to be by your side. Feel your hand in mine, touch your lips with mine.

I have no other meaning but you. Just tell me you need me and I will wait for you. Don’t you forget me.

Because tonight I need you.

Every moment spent, every missed chance and every regret. I scrutinize how the hour passes, how the hands tick away on the clock.

I feed on the words should have, could have, would have. I am a living contradiction. I wish for one thing but pursue another.

Who am I? I am nothing but a blank page. Constantly flipping through old words and wishing for a new text.

I can never be content unless life is perfect. Or maybe I just haven’t found perfection yet.

Does such a thing exist?

after all the misery I have sat through?

How can I allow myself to fall for you, when all I know is pain?

I am not used to the caring look that I see in your eyes. I am not used to being adored, someone actually reveling in the fact that they are with me.

Someone opening my door, someone giving me their sweater and not expecting it back the next day, someone accepting my silence and just holding me, someone telling me I’m beautiful and meaning every single syllable of that word with every inch of their heart.

Who are you? Where did you come from? Where have you been, and where are you going?

I want to know everything. I want to know your favorite color, your hopes, your fears, your secrets.

I want to memorize every inch of you and remind you how perfect you are.

Just when I thought the darkness would not end, just when I was beginning to accept the name I made for myself and the treatments I received -

there you came, falling right into my life. Interrupting my doubt, killing my fear.

You have given me so much without realizing. And the best part is how you never expected anything in return.

You did it for me. You did it to see a smile on my face.

And that at last enough for somebody.

I’m trying so hard to not think of what it’s going to be like without you.

So far, far away from you.

Just everything about you. Everything you are.

You.

I never have to convince myself, never have to force a thing.

It’s just there and it’s alive inside me. Every time I touch your hand, feel your cheek against my palm or press my forehead to yours, there’s an electricity that cannot be named.

My eyes meet yours and the world feels suspended, frozen in time. I feel my mouth on yours and my head spins, there is no thinking to be done.

Just me and you and this moment.

I’d know your face across any crowded room.

I’d know your voice from any earshot, I’d know your hands from the way they feel.

You make me feel like I’ve known you for centuries. Like your laugh is the song I’ve been waiting to sing and your heartbeat is the rhythm I’ve been waiting to dance to.

I’ve finally found a reason to believe. And it’s you.

I love how we both say our faces hurt because we’re smiling and laughing so much.

When I’m with you - I love that I can be crazy. I love how I can say anything on my mind and tell you anything. I love how you make me feel inside.

I love that I can be me when I’m with you. And I’m not letting go, even if you are afraid and even if this will be hard -

I’m not letting go.

I’ve only been me when I’m with you.

Only you.

I know it’s everything you want.

Maybe it’s not even that big of a deal, maybe everything will always be okay. Maybe God looks upon you with kind eyes and keeps your soul safe for living.

But maybe it is. Maybe tomorrow will be the last day, maybe this second is the last - this final hour.

Maybe. That’s what we live on.

Maybe.

my stomach does this tiny flip.

The kind that sends a shiver right up your spine and electrifies your heart.

I might be confused, I might not remember exactly what brought me here but I think that after everything I’m alright.

I find it funny how we spent all this time wandering, walking along this same path, but we both danced in different shadows.

We have waited, we have suffered and somehow now we are here. Someday I’ll look back and wonder why, but I figure in life - the best moments make the least sense of all.

I may not be perfect, neither of us are, but all I know is the feeling I get when I look at you.

When I look at you everything makes sense. All the questions disappear because they’re all answered.

All by the feeling I get when I look at you.

Who was I kidding? I’m terrified. It’s like that moment when your on a ledge staring down fifty feet.

Like you keep telling your body to jump but it doesn’t respond. There’s a thousand and one thoughts in my head, reasons why I shouldn’t or reasons why I can’t.

I can feel myself falling forward, my breath is catching and I have the taste of bile in my throat.

There isn’t anything left to do but just be. I can’t do that. I can’t just be. I can’t let go, I don’t know how.

Every moment is suspended, every second lasts an hour. The world is spinning and somehow I am still.

If I fall, where will I be at the bottom? If I fall, will I live to see another day? If I fall, will I be able to stand up and walk again?

If I fall,

will you be there to catch me?

Remember when I made you smile for the first time in a long while?

You think I forgot you don’t you? You think I don’t remember.

They never treated you like they should have. And I’m sorry they took you away.

And any time I think I can’t, I remember your face telling me I can.

I don’t know where you are today or if you’re still here. I’ll never know that.

But God almighty tell him please that I remember everything. Just like I promised.

at the very worst of times - I was at a loss for words.

They flowed from my throat like cold, hard syrup. Desperate attempts were made to keep the conversation alive - to just accompany her for those few minutes.

To do something - to be noble - what does it mean? I could help, I am supposed to be helping her - but I feel so small.

What do I say? How do I try? How do comfort her?

I just want her to be okay. I just want to bring him home to her. But I cannot.

I am this pathetic, useless heap. I sat next to her, my pulse beating hard, my stomach turning. 

What could I do? Who was I?

Nothing. I could never mend that wound. I could never alleviate that ache.

I did not want to say sorry, I did not want to remind her of anything that happened. What she had lost.

Who was I? What could I do?